mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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