you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize