If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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