I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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