I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize