he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't think brook has ever known best
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
