new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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