I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
