the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
