The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
