i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
