I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
