And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
