dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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