So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
