Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
