I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
