i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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