I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
