Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail