i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?