I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?