I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving