so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
