Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently you make a good broom.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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