Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize