i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
