I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize