He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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