He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
