I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
