fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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