I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
