wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
