I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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