just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You don't make any sense
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