I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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