if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
