her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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