he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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