I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
