Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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