I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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