508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
