Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
