I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
