remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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