I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
