is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
