I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Come share oat with me in your robe
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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