Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize