thus making me awesome and them whores
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
