Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
