You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
