Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize