We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
