Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
