just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
