One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
