there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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