An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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