Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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