I like my sex mixed with concussions.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
