She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
